THE WORLD XI
December 31st 2006 06:28
With yet anuvva summer of cricket down the gurgler faster than a wally with water the OCB (Orstrayan Cricket Board) has wasted no time in hosing down the prospect of anuvva long drought in entertainment for next summer's cricket season.
In a move designed to allay fears of dwindling ticket sales following the all conquering Aussies domination of a limp England to reclaim the Ashes, the OCB swung into action in order to make it a more even contest next summer stating they would not be replacing the Orstrayan cricketers who retired.
SHORT LIFTER!
Instead, Ricky Ponting would be leading a 6 man team comprising himself, Adam Gilchrist, Brett Lee, Michael Clarke, Stuart Clarke and maybe somebody else from New South Wales.
But the real shock came when new OCB Chairman, Baby John Burgess, announced Orstraya's opponents next season would be a World XI.
GOOGLY!
In a move that is sure to alienate cricket purists Burgess moved away from convention by selecting a World XI team consisting of no recognised international cricketers.
"Clearly there are no cricketers alive talented enough to go head to head with the best Orstraya has to offer", explained Burgess a talented under 12 cricketer once himself.
WRONG 'UN!
"So we've assembled a team we think, although lacking in cricketing nous, should at least be able to match it with the Aussies in most areas. They are as follows:"
1. John Howard
2. Peter Costello
"A strong opening pair who have a proven track record for sticking around for a long long partnership. Very hard to get out once they are in."
3. Kim Il Sung
"One word - EXPLOSIVE! The North Korean President 'Kimbo' was an automatic choice at first drop. Quick to go on the attack and a very offensive player."
4.Daryl Somers
"Let's face it. If he can resurrect his television career then surely he could resurrect an innings after the loss of some early wickets."
5.Alexander Downer
"Admittedly the Deputy isn't very good with either bat or ball but after each game there is a lot of handshaking involved and that is where AD really shines."
6.Saddam Hussein
"He was born with a tail so there should be no problem getting him to hang around with the tail. Unfortunately we've been unable to get in contact with the former dictator these past 24 hours. We're not entirely sure where he's hanging out these days."
7.Kofi Annan
"Kofi picked himself as wicket-keeper really. He has spent his entire time at the United Nations letting everything go through to the keeper so would be perfectly suited to the job.
8. Paris Hilton
"We've all seen the video. We know she can swing the ball."
9. Eddie McGuire
"We need a spinner and Eddie is as good at spin as anybody in the caper. We're not sure how the Aussie batsmen will be able to handle his mystery ball, The Boner."
10. George Bush Snr.
11. George Bush Jnr.
"The Bush's will lead the pace attack. We're a bit worried about their over rate though but the plan is for Dad to soften up the opponent before the son finishes the job. Admittedly there is likely to be over a million innocent casualties but this isn't just cricket, it's war."
Tickets for next summers test series go on sale in October.
* Howzat?
SHORT LIFTER!
Instead, Ricky Ponting would be leading a 6 man team comprising himself, Adam Gilchrist, Brett Lee, Michael Clarke, Stuart Clarke and maybe somebody else from New South Wales.
But the real shock came when new OCB Chairman, Baby John Burgess, announced Orstraya's opponents next season would be a World XI.
GOOGLY!
In a move that is sure to alienate cricket purists Burgess moved away from convention by selecting a World XI team consisting of no recognised international cricketers.
"Clearly there are no cricketers alive talented enough to go head to head with the best Orstraya has to offer", explained Burgess a talented under 12 cricketer once himself.
WRONG 'UN!
"So we've assembled a team we think, although lacking in cricketing nous, should at least be able to match it with the Aussies in most areas. They are as follows:"
1. John Howard
2. Peter Costello
"A strong opening pair who have a proven track record for sticking around for a long long partnership. Very hard to get out once they are in."
3. Kim Il Sung
"One word - EXPLOSIVE! The North Korean President 'Kimbo' was an automatic choice at first drop. Quick to go on the attack and a very offensive player."
4.Daryl Somers
"Let's face it. If he can resurrect his television career then surely he could resurrect an innings after the loss of some early wickets."
5.Alexander Downer
"Admittedly the Deputy isn't very good with either bat or ball but after each game there is a lot of handshaking involved and that is where AD really shines."
6.Saddam Hussein
"He was born with a tail so there should be no problem getting him to hang around with the tail. Unfortunately we've been unable to get in contact with the former dictator these past 24 hours. We're not entirely sure where he's hanging out these days."
7.Kofi Annan
"Kofi picked himself as wicket-keeper really. He has spent his entire time at the United Nations letting everything go through to the keeper so would be perfectly suited to the job.
* Stroke maker
8. Paris Hilton
"We've all seen the video. We know she can swing the ball."
9. Eddie McGuire
"We need a spinner and Eddie is as good at spin as anybody in the caper. We're not sure how the Aussie batsmen will be able to handle his mystery ball, The Boner."
* Great slips catch
10. George Bush Snr.
11. George Bush Jnr.
"The Bush's will lead the pace attack. We're a bit worried about their over rate though but the plan is for Dad to soften up the opponent before the son finishes the job. Admittedly there is likely to be over a million innocent casualties but this isn't just cricket, it's war."
Tickets for next summers test series go on sale in October.
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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Arses and Elbows
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Mel Gibson can carry the drinks.
Happy New Year, Joe.
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Not bad, tap features.
Not bad.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Tap features?
We could be brothers, mate.
Veritable twins.
Comment by Tony Grieg