"THE FAT ARE FAIR GAME!"
December 22nd 2006 21:55
* Justin 'The Chubby Checker' Madden MP
With just those five small words Victorian Sports Minister and former Carlton Football Club salary cap cheat, Justin Madden, launched what might possibly be the Victorian Labor Party's most divisive policy yet.
In a controversial move Madden, standing outside a Donut King shop, said this exciting new Labor innitiative was a bold and brave move forward.
OINK!
"Fat shrines like this will become a thing of the past", said Madden pointing to the donut shop.
Under the new Labor policy fat people can now be shot on sight for one month of each
year. To participate in what many are calling a The Calorie Cull fat hunters must hold a current sporting shooters license.
"Look we've given this a lot of thought. We don't want just anybody taking pot shots at Fatty Boombas," explained Madden, "There has to be controls. You have to be registered and there is a bag limit - five Fatty Boombas per hunter each Fat Season."
QUACK!
"I know we have copped critism in some sectors for this exciting new innitiative but let's face it, with Duck Season cancelled this year there are a lot of trigger happy shooters out there with lotsa ammo but no blammo. They need an outlet and, I'll be honest, who doesn't get annoyed when two plump lumps walk side by side down the footpath? You can't get past!"
"By cutting back their numbers we aim to increase traffic flow and set a good example for kids. They knew the porkers were gunna die quicker than normal folk, they just didn't realise how quick! It's a real wake up call!" laughed Madden.
* Sitting ducks or just fowl?
In other anti-fatso legislation Madden said heffers would now only be allowed to walk in single file on footpaths, take lunch breaks only after normal people have eaten and go to the beach on rainy days.
"We're looking at intoducing a Buffet Ban also." said Madden.
"It's for their own good."
But not everybody agrees with the jovial Sports Minister. No sooner had the new laws been introduced then a mass stampede of Hungry, Hungry Hippos took place as lard arses everywhere made a bee line for fat friendly states.
* On yer bike!
Tiny Butts, founding member of the Hells Boombas Motorcycle Club was shocked and outraged.
"I pay my taxes. I should be allowed to hog two seats on public transport!" yelled an angry Butts as he woofed down his fourth kebab and headed north to kilo loving Sydney.
Butts had been a strong supporter of the ALP in the past.
"I've always voted Labor so I can't help feeling let down right now," said a nervous Butts as gunshots were heard in the distance.
"I've got a long trip ahead of me so with four kebabs in me guts I shouldn't run out of gas."
* Yes it does
And Flabby Flapps, chairwoman of the Fat Feminists Fellowship, was just as outraged. "I'm out of here!" the normally unflappable Flapps said in such a rush to leave town she'd forgotten to get dressed.
"Inside every fat person there is a thin person trying to get out," sobbed Flapps.
"That's because they ate one!" laughed Madden.
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Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
We love fat people. Especially Shane Warne.
Comment by Lance Whitnall
Geddit?
Barbs?
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by mesablue
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
You are so naughty
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Sadly, through work & sporting commitments, I find myself travelling to Sydney 3-4 times each year.
And frankly that is 3-4 times too many.
Very nice harbour though.
As for being a Fatty Boomba myself - Nup.
Personally, I think Justin Madden's new legislation is a little over the top. By all means publicly ridicule these poor unfortunate creatures but hunt them down and kill them? Seems a little harsh. It's not like they have ivory tusks!
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Justin Madden is starting to look a little fatty boomba himself.
And yes, we have a very nice harbour indeed. The Yarra doesn't quite compare for water views does it? You can never travel to Sydney too many times. It's gorgeous here. Go on admit it...you love it here.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
If Orstraya ever needed an enima they'd stick the hose in Botany Bay.
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
Love & stuff
Mrs M