PAPUAN VILLAGE ANNOUNCE PLANS TO SAVE NAOMI
November 29th 2006 21:37
* Half baked or slowing simmering?
In a shock reversal of fortunes a tiny cannabilistic village in West Papua yesterday announced plans to save former hard hitting television journalist and celebrity Centrelink job searcher Naomi Robson.........from herself!
It seems news of the immaculately groomed Robson's resignation has travelled fast through the jungles of West Papua and it has not fallen on deaf ears.
Riding a wave of public sentiment one tribe, the Shebang, jumped quickly to the aid of the embattled television beauty.
* Room with a view
Local God-botherer and potential meal, Fr. Tim Ratzinberger, isn't surprised by the Shebang's genourosity though.
"Of all the cannibals I've had the good fortunate of meeting the Shebangs are by far the friendliest. Often people don't even know they are on the menu before it is too late. But that's not to say these folk are without conscience. For example they are very big on saving and I should know!" he said. "They save on gas, they save on electricity and they save on petrol. But most of all, by eating their children, they save on Christmas presents!"
"To be honest though I hope they do make the trip Down Under", laughed Fr. Ratzinberger. "Not for Naomi's sake, for mine! Door knocking on Sunday mornings is quite a killer around here."
THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN
* Chompy has a lot on his plate
Speaking from his palatial tree house Shebang chief Chompy Bits (pictured left) said he feared for the "tiny lady with the big heart."
"Sure we'd like to eat her" said Chompy, "What man in his right mind wouldn't want to eat Naomi Robson?"
Dressed in traditional Shebang tribal costume of a brass door knocker in the nose ("I bought it at Bunnings" beamed Chompy) and armadillo cock cradle Chompy explained his tribe's thoughts on the whole unfortunate situation.
"When we heard what had happened we called a tribal meeting to see what we could do. She touched all our hearts and many of us wanted to repay that. So we took a vote on whether we should try to save her from her tribe, the rest of the Australian media, and it was unanimous. Our tribe is behind her 100 percent."
Smiled Chompy,"That's right, the whole Shebang!"
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