POLAR BEAR CONVERTS TO CATHOLICISM
January 10th 2007 09:09
Vatican City - Papal hearts skipped a beat and there was ring kissing all round when Pope Benedict Who's Counting Anyway announced to the world the first successful conversion to Catholicism of a polar bear.
The Rat, as he is known in Biblical circles and wearing white to mark the occassion, claimed this was more than a first for the Catholic Church. But rather a first for all God's creatures.
The Church states it took them just seven days to convert the normally agnostic polar bear many are calling Neal after the Pontiff's favourite alter boy. But some Church insiders put the conversion at closer to 40 days and 40 nights.
Either way it is nothing short of a miracle says Cardinal Pimpalotto.
Laughing proudly and pointing as Neil entered the room and immediately assumed the traditional alter boy position.
"We teach him good no?" smiled the Cardinal.
"Before his conversion he was a lost soul worshipping fish. Can you believe it? Fish!"
But animal activists were up in arms yesterday following a leaked dosier revealing the The Vatican's unsuccessful attempt to turn a panda into a born again Christian.
It is believed the 140kg panda nicknamed Rolf for his habit of wobbling when bored refuses to confess his sins and now wears a muzzle after a nasty ring kissing incident.
But The Church is refusing to comment.
Has The Church gone too far this time?
joebloggsblog.net religious expert Fr. Dr. Bloggs believes so.
"Everybody knows that Tarzan is the lord of the jungle." said Fr. Dr. Bloggs during a break from communion.
But not all bloggers agree.
God bothering freak and faith healer, the Reverend Caudill, was sticking to his guns.
"Two wrongs don't make a right," said the Rev, "but two planks of wood do make a cross. Therefore I am right."
* "I'm just Poping out for a ciggy"
The Church states it took them just seven days to convert the normally agnostic polar bear many are calling Neal after the Pontiff's favourite alter boy. But some Church insiders put the conversion at closer to 40 days and 40 nights.
Either way it is nothing short of a miracle says Cardinal Pimpalotto.
* blessed are the meek
Laughing proudly and pointing as Neil entered the room and immediately assumed the traditional alter boy position.
"We teach him good no?" smiled the Cardinal.
"Before his conversion he was a lost soul worshipping fish. Can you believe it? Fish!"
But animal activists were up in arms yesterday following a leaked dosier revealing the The Vatican's unsuccessful attempt to turn a panda into a born again Christian.
* he wont repent!
It is believed the 140kg panda nicknamed Rolf for his habit of wobbling when bored refuses to confess his sins and now wears a muzzle after a nasty ring kissing incident.
But The Church is refusing to comment.
Has The Church gone too far this time?
joebloggsblog.net religious expert Fr. Dr. Bloggs believes so.
"Everybody knows that Tarzan is the lord of the jungle." said Fr. Dr. Bloggs during a break from communion.
But not all bloggers agree.
God bothering freak and faith healer, the Reverend Caudill, was sticking to his guns.
"Two wrongs don't make a right," said the Rev, "but two planks of wood do make a cross. Therefore I am right."
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Comment by David my David
Before he became Pope Benedict XVI, 'The Rat' was Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger ... (Head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith) ... He is a modernist ... He is an absolute disgrace to Catholic Dogma ... and Catholicism in general ... (but in no way as disgraceful as that Ecumenical Pope, Pope John Paul II was ... He was a radical ... At least the current Holy Father is a radical conservatist ...
The current Holy Father ... is the type of Catholic that Pope St. Pius X (whose body is incorrupt and lying in the Vatican) ... would have excommunicated under 'Pascendi Domenici Gregis' ... (a bit heavy reading for the average teddy-bear, panda bear or polar bear ...
The reason people hate Catholics and Catholocism? The hypocrisy of Catholics ...
This post? I love it ... It's BAD BOY BUBBY-ish ...
Do I get fired up about these issues? You better believe it ...
Why do I hide? ... I don't want to perpetrate my own hypocrisy on the world ... (Fuck that was a failed venture ... *
Love your posts man ...
David ...
Keep em coming ...
FUCKING POLAR BEARS CONVERTING TO CATHOLICISM ... Shit even human Protestants won't !
Comment by mandy
Comment by Francis
Passionate Apathy
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Peter Green
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Fantastic. I love it.
I wonder how long before they try to convert a Tasmanian Devil.....wouldn't that be a coup for the Catholic Church!
Comment by postmoderncricket
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
I am humbled that you would even waste your valuable time to reward a poor urchin such as me with your insight.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Well, I guess this one doesn't.
JZ
Comment by pegasus
Poker Addict
Is there hope for the sinful and shameless Grizzlies out there??
pegasus