ASK DR. BLOGGS
November 22nd 2006 07:31
Open wide
As part of joebloggsblog.net ongoing commitment to serving the cyber community (in particular those who orbit the orble), the blog that just keeps on giving is proud to present our resident health expert Dr. Bloggs.
Dr. Bloggs' weekly column will provide readers with a healthy dose of uncommon common sense and a comforting shot of positive reinforcement.
It's one part self help, two parts advice and three parts vodka.
So let's see what's in the mail bag this week.........
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Dear Dr Bloggs,
I've always been a big fan of Ian Thorpe but yesterday's news of his retirement has devastated me. It's like finding out Santa is not real! What should I do?
Clarrisa (Sydney)
Dear Clarrisa,
Don't panic. Now Thorpey gets to do what normal healthy 24 year old males do - y'know go to George Michael concerts, moisturise, obsess over fashion and drink cowboys and dacaris with other like minded 24 year old males. Nothing has really changed Clarrie...........errrr, except for the swimming bit.
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Dear Dr. Bloggs,
My dog swallowed my razor blade. What should I do?
Dean (London)
Dear Dean,
Use your electric shaver.
Dear Dr. Bloggs,
My stepdaughter is pregnant with her third child. We are all excited about the arrival. We were recently told of the baby's name, which is beautiful. My only concern is the way it's being spelled.
The name will be spelled as "Jasiela," although the mother-to-be is pronouncing it "Gisella." Do I need to address the way she's spelling it, for the sake of the child?
Dwayne Buckett (Chicago)
Yes Dwayne you need to nip this in the bud right away. As somebody with a stupid name you know too well the torment this child will go through. Nobody will be arsed even trying to pronounce it properly and they'll just call her Jizz. Let's just home for her sake she doesn't become a Jizz Buckett.
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Dear Dr. Bloggs,
I am 10 years old and I'm concerned about my 11-year-old friend. I'll call her "Riley." We're in the same class at school, and every day I hear her say, "I need to lose weight. I'm sooo fat." Then she tells me, "I want your body. You're so skinny."
But Riley isn't fat at all! She's really skinny. Just because I weigh in the 60s and 70s, she wants to be me! I don't want Riley to become anorexic, and I try to help her, but she won't listen to me. Please help.
Cindy (Adelaide)
Dear Cindy,
Tell the fat bitch to shut the fuck up and do her homework.
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If you have a question or problem you need answered feel free to drop Dr. Bloggs a line.
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Comment by Mandy
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I have a strong reaction to religious hypocrisy, each time I encounter it I loose my sense of humour and want to kill someone, this is not good for social intercourse... what should I do..?
Lilla...
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Six bottles of Lemon Ruski should solve bothl your social & intercourse problems.
The religious hypocrisy is another matter though.
Unless of course your social & intercourse problems are church related in which case I would suggest dressing up like a teenage boy.
Comment by Patrick
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
That's good because I have no solution to your problem.