PM LABELS AUSTRALIA A NATION OF 'QUITTERS'!
January 5th 2007 21:50
* No balls?
Dignitries and invited guests at the packed function held in honour of retiring test trio Glenn McGrath, Shane Warne and the other guy, were stunned when Winny was anything but extra mild in his rebuke of this great nation's slipping standards.
"What if our soldiers in Iraq had Thorpies attitude?" asked the King of Kirribilli.
"Where would we be if all the posties were like Greg from the Wiggles?" beseeched Canberra's Head Honcho.
GOOD BLOKES OR BAD JOKES?
"McGrath, Warnie and the other bloke aren't heroes! They're quitters!! Quitting is for Labor leaders not real Australians!" screamed a pumped up Howard, his glasses fogging up.
"Do we all sell out like Qantas?" asked Johnny, "Of course not. That is un-Australian."
SERVE!
The 375 year old politician claimed Australians needed to be more like him and less like career long piker Mark Phillopousis.
VOLLEY!
"I refuse to quit! Not like the Poo. I'm sick of his excuses. He's hurt his knee. Big deal! He's still got one good one. Stop sobbing and start lobbing, that's what I say."
Concerned that Australia's obsession with quitting would set a poor example to children Howard used the function to launch a brand new education policy effective immediately in 2007.
* Role model
"To combat this cancer the Liberal Party are introducing the subject of Wilkinsing into all secondary schools commencing late January. For those students who excel at Wilkinsing there will be funds allocated to set up Advanced Wilkinsing at a tertiary level.
* "Can you guys sing Ebony & Ivory?"
The PM explaining to the stunned crowd that Richard Wilkins was a man with seeminingly no talent and little charisma who just refused to quit and given most Australians these days were basically talentless and boring he was a perfect role model.
"He would make a great Prime Minister!" said Howard.
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Comment by Anonymous
Further, Howard will be the last survivor of the Coalition Of The All Too Willing. That's a feather in his cap. Another couple of feathers and he would be indistinguishable from a turkey, or at least a chicken. I think he deserves those extra feathers and should be formally acknowledged as an honourary turkey anyway, even though the "honour" in the word "honourary" is a misnomer.
If it wasn't for Howard, most of our troops would never have had the chance to get hands-on experience in warfare. Eventually the rotten terrorists will be forced to accept that there is no future in their methods (most of which were used by the French Resistance, who were called "underground patriots" instead of the modern term "terrorists", and where is the French Resistance these days?). When that time comes and they decide to fight fair, in an open field with tanks and stuff, then those Coalition soldiers still alive will have their measure.
With soldiers, as with footy, you can never have too much game time. And the Coalition, especially our PM, is a master at playing games, particularly long-duration games against real or virtual enemies, and there are no limits to the Coalition leaders' patients (sic) in these games. Gorge Bushed loves mind games, even though he is personally unarmed, and routinely shows us how mentally challenged he is. Like GWB, our PM also loves the power of being able to play pretend war games from the safety of a remote control.
John Howard doesn't get due credit for his patience or generosity. eg David Hicks has had free accomodation, and in an exotic country what's more, for more than 5 years and will never have to face the embarrassment of a normal courtroom. Admittedly did he not get to participate in the hilarious World Series Humiliation games versus the USA RedNeck team, as some Iraqi prisoners were allowed to before the guy in charge of their accommodation was sacked and subsqeuently put in charge of all such establishments everywhere (excluding sites on USA or regulation-controlled soil, of course) but Hicks got other special treatment those Iraqis weren't afforded. Had Howard intervened, as the less strong-minded Blair felt was necessary to do for UK citizens, Hicks would have lost those benefits and either had to get a job back home or may even have been charged years ago with a crime and treated like anyone else accused of breaking a law (if we even had such a law). But no, thanks to Howard, Hicks gets special treatment not afforded to the rest of us and, purely by stroke of good luck, his guardians are not restricted by Geneva or other conventions so can treat him as specially as possible. Alicksendure Downer has already stated that Hicks is guilty of a crime so Hicks is lucky to have been been spared a trial yet you don't hear people thanking Howard on Hicks' behalf.
We expect too much from a Prime Minister. No leader can be perfect and John Howard is just an ordinary Australian. In fact, he is the most ordinary Australian I can think of. I can't heap higher praise on him than that. I can categorically state that, were it not for his habitual lying, arrogance and lack of conscience, I would vote for him every time, such is my regard for our PM.
To think that Labour supporters wanted Loose-cannon Latham or Bonzo Beasley as Australia's leader. Ha! Ha! They couldn't hold a candle to our current PM. (It would do no more than light a fart).
Keep up the grate work, John. Give my best to Gorge Bushed. Any time the Coalition of the Oil, I mean All, Too Willing wish to wage another war using weapons of mass destruction against a country that we know doesn't have them, or any other time we want to blatantly disregard United Nations edicts and declare war on a country for blatantly disregarding United Nations edicts, I'll give you the same support as I have done today.
And if the enemy insist on employing methods like Rambo and the French Resistance did instead of fighting fair by wearing uniforms and using cardboard tanks against USA WMDs, then they don't deserve to keep their electricity, water or oil supplies. And any Iraqi upset about their current sanitation services is just talking shit. Toilets are no different to the rest of their country - occupied mean occupied. And "poop al fresco" is a way to explode their own personal bombs and to soil what is now American soil. Further, oils ain't oils, unless they are protected by a barricade of reinforced Coalition coffins. And coffins are the one resource the COTATW is unlikely to run out of.
Bless you, John. Any leader who will obediently follow a US president who has stated that he will achieve peace no matter how many countries he has to declare war on seems all right, repeat, all right, to me. History will remember you and your fellow leaders as the visionaries who brought terrorists to their countries. One day you might be applauded for the tourist dollars those people are bringing into Australia. Don't hold your breath though. The last election shows that there is no justice.
All I can say, John, is that if I hear anyone call you a 2nd-rate, lying, out-of-touch egomaniac, I'll come to your defence ... because "2nd rate" sells you short.
Comment by Joe Blogg
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Correct me if I'm wrong but you really like the current guvvamunt don't you?