THE GOLDEN BLOGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 28th 2006 22:51
"Well it's finally here, The Golden Bloggs Awards for 2006!
It hardly seems like we were here a year ago because of course we weren't.
But if we were we would've been and that is the most important thing.
Speaking of important things, I'm Richard Wilkins and I'm your host for tonight as we celebrate the good, the bad and the westen suburbs of 2006.
I could prattle on meaninglessly all night, we both know I could.
But that's not why your here.
So without further ado, strike up the band and let's get on with the awards!!"...........
=====================================================
THE FIRST ANNUAL GOLDEN BLOGGS AWARDS !!!
TOP RORT - The Italian Soccer team. More filthy dives than the main street of Canberra. But we love our spghetti munching friends for at least debunking one myth - turns out cheats actually DO prosper!
Runner up - The main street of Canberra!
TOP BEARD - There is of course no such thing.
Runner Up - But if there were then it surely must go to this man, Cuba's own Fiddy Cent. Saddy Hussein was close, ummmmmm, but no cigar.
TOP FATTY - Shane Warne.
Runner up - Ian Thorpe
TOP PIKER - Ian Thorpe
Runner up - Shane Warne. Gotta love the quip about hitting the gaspers at his retirement press conference.
TOP MILF - Julia Gillard (Yeah, we know technically she isn't)
Runner up - Princess Mary of Tasmark.
TOP MILF HUNTER - Peter Beattie
Runner up -Joe Bloggs
TOP SKANK - Paris Hilton
Runner up - Paris Hilton.
TOP HEADJOB - Kevin Rudd. He hasn't stopped smiling since he got the headjob!
Runner up - Julia Gillard. Keeps insisting that she's not interested in the headjob.
TOP MINGER - Bec Cartwright
Runner up - Simone Warne. Channel 7 shoved her down our throat faster than ham sangas in Kim Beazley's lunch box. Sadly , it appears no amount of spin can save her!
TOP MINCER - Ian Thorpe! And a whiny mincer at that.
Runner up - Tom Cruise. Oprah shooda clipped him one. I'd never let a midget jump on my couch.
TOP FILLUM - Borat
Runner Up - Crank
TOP CELEBRITY TITS - Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Runner up - Kyle Sutherland and Mark Holden
TOP CELEBRITY FUZZ - Britters!!!! We've all seen the pics.
Runner up - Serena Williams. Now that's what I call a serve! And out in straight sets too!!
(Yeah,yeah...we've all seen the pics before so no need to again.)
TOP SNOT - Mr. Saturday Night, Alan Didak's hit on Carlton jobroni and Collingwood reject Heath Scotland. Scotland saw stars. Unfotunately they were all wearing black 'n' white. The worst bit for Scotland though was having been knocked into another dimension, when he got there he found out he still played for Carlton!
Can't help bad luck!
Runner up - Anybody else who hit either:
(a) a Carlton player.
(b) a Carlton supporter.
TOP BOGAN - Brendan Fevola
Runner up - Those 2 celebrity miners, errrrrr Bogan 1 and Bogan 2.
"What shall we do now B1?"
"I know B2!"
"Oooooo, what is it B1?"
"Let's bore everybody shitless B2!!"
TOP METAPHOR - Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali. It was always gunna be hard to top describing Orstrayan women as "pieces of meat".
Runner up - “People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.” Jack Nicholson. (Not a metaphor we know, but good value all the same)
TOP DEATH - Steve Irwin.
Runner up - Brocky.
TOP NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE - Saddam Hussein. Tick tock, tick tock.
Runner up - Locally produced Orstrayan terrorvision shows. They've just given up apart from Working Dog.
TOP PISS - Floyd Landis. There is only one thing worse than a cheat and that is an American cheat!
Runner up - All the uvva banned cyclists from this year's Tour de Fromage.
TOP PISSHEAD - Benny Cousins
Runner up - Mel Gibson. There are happy drunks and then there are Mels.
TOP BREAKFAST CEREAL - Sanitarium's Wild Berries
Runner up - Sultana Bran
TOP DRINK - Chivas on ice
Runner up - Blue heaven milkshakes
TOP INSTANT COFFEE - Nescafe
Runner up - Maxwell House
TOP BLOG - joebloggsblog.net
Runner up - Daylight
TOP BLOGGER - Joe Bloggs
Runner up - Daylight
===========================================
Of course joebloggsblog.net has, like a fatman wiping his arse, only just scraped the surface.
So we call on you, our most loyal and trustworthy Bloggaholics, to add to the list.
Give that they may grow................
It hardly seems like we were here a year ago because of course we weren't.
But if we were we would've been and that is the most important thing.
Speaking of important things, I'm Richard Wilkins and I'm your host for tonight as we celebrate the good, the bad and the westen suburbs of 2006.
I could prattle on meaninglessly all night, we both know I could.
But that's not why your here.
So without further ado, strike up the band and let's get on with the awards!!"...........
=====================================================
THE FIRST ANNUAL GOLDEN BLOGGS AWARDS !!!
* Pasta ball to me!
TOP RORT - The Italian Soccer team. More filthy dives than the main street of Canberra. But we love our spghetti munching friends for at least debunking one myth - turns out cheats actually DO prosper!
Runner up - The main street of Canberra!
* He really does need a queer eye for the commie guy
Runner Up - But if there were then it surely must go to this man, Cuba's own Fiddy Cent. Saddy Hussein was close, ummmmmm, but no cigar.
* "Bowled Shane"
TOP FATTY - Shane Warne.
Runner up - Ian Thorpe
TOP PIKER - Ian Thorpe
Runner up - Shane Warne. Gotta love the quip about hitting the gaspers at his retirement press conference.
TOP MILF - Julia Gillard (Yeah, we know technically she isn't)
Runner up - Princess Mary of Tasmark.
* Speaking in tongues?
TOP MILF HUNTER - Peter Beattie
Runner up -Joe Bloggs
TOP SKANK - Paris Hilton
Runner up - Paris Hilton.
TOP HEADJOB - Kevin Rudd. He hasn't stopped smiling since he got the headjob!
Runner up - Julia Gillard. Keeps insisting that she's not interested in the headjob.
TOP MINGER - Bec Cartwright
Runner up - Simone Warne. Channel 7 shoved her down our throat faster than ham sangas in Kim Beazley's lunch box. Sadly , it appears no amount of spin can save her!
* Thorpie as a kid. Still sooking then!
TOP MINCER - Ian Thorpe! And a whiny mincer at that.
Runner up - Tom Cruise. Oprah shooda clipped him one. I'd never let a midget jump on my couch.
TOP FILLUM - Borat
Runner Up - Crank
* Can't blame the paparazzi for this one
TOP CELEBRITY TITS - Jennifer Love-Hewitt
Runner up - Kyle Sutherland and Mark Holden
TOP CELEBRITY FUZZ - Britters!!!! We've all seen the pics.
Runner up - Serena Williams. Now that's what I call a serve! And out in straight sets too!!
(Yeah,yeah...we've all seen the pics before so no need to again.)
* One small hit for man, one giant hit for mankind!
TOP SNOT - Mr. Saturday Night, Alan Didak's hit on Carlton jobroni and Collingwood reject Heath Scotland. Scotland saw stars. Unfotunately they were all wearing black 'n' white. The worst bit for Scotland though was having been knocked into another dimension, when he got there he found out he still played for Carlton!
Can't help bad luck!
Runner up - Anybody else who hit either:
(a) a Carlton player.
(b) a Carlton supporter.
* Can't wait for the movie!
TOP BOGAN - Brendan Fevola
Runner up - Those 2 celebrity miners, errrrrr Bogan 1 and Bogan 2.
"What shall we do now B1?"
"I know B2!"
"Oooooo, what is it B1?"
"Let's bore everybody shitless B2!!"
TOP METAPHOR - Sheik Taj Din al-Hilali. It was always gunna be hard to top describing Orstrayan women as "pieces of meat".
Runner up - “People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.” Jack Nicholson. (Not a metaphor we know, but good value all the same)
TOP DEATH - Steve Irwin.
Runner up - Brocky.
TOP NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE - Saddam Hussein. Tick tock, tick tock.
Runner up - Locally produced Orstrayan terrorvision shows. They've just given up apart from Working Dog.
* Message in a bottle
TOP PISS - Floyd Landis. There is only one thing worse than a cheat and that is an American cheat!
Runner up - All the uvva banned cyclists from this year's Tour de Fromage.
TOP PISSHEAD - Benny Cousins
Runner up - Mel Gibson. There are happy drunks and then there are Mels.
TOP BREAKFAST CEREAL - Sanitarium's Wild Berries
Runner up - Sultana Bran
TOP DRINK - Chivas on ice
Runner up - Blue heaven milkshakes
TOP INSTANT COFFEE - Nescafe
Runner up - Maxwell House
TOP BLOG - joebloggsblog.net
Runner up - Daylight
TOP BLOGGER - Joe Bloggs
Runner up - Daylight
===========================================
Of course joebloggsblog.net has, like a fatman wiping his arse, only just scraped the surface.
So we call on you, our most loyal and trustworthy Bloggaholics, to add to the list.
Give that they may grow................
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Earlier in the evening.
Best performance in a Mo: Mick.
Best piece of nepotism: Mick and Christi.
Best actor: Brodie Holland.
Comment by The Voices in my Head
The Voices in my Head
Voices~
Comment by mandy
Comment by PeterG
Top Shot - Donald Rumsfeld
Top Pot - Kim Beasley
Top Bot - Gwen Stefani
Comment by LaurenD
LaurenD
Comment by JohnR-Nomythfitness
Floyd Landis is guilty of being an American and that's all he's guilty of . How many times has a Frenchman won the Tour in the last 20 years? Wasn't it Hinault? The problem with pro cycling is that is is dominated by corrupt bureaucrats such as dominate the governments of Europe.FLoyd is a victim of French hatred. FREE FLOYD LANDIS.
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Everybody should get a free Floyd Landis.
Maybe yer though.
Maybe I am being harsh.
After all, I like to get on the juice first thing in the morning. Call me an old fuddy duddy (I think the hip phrase these days is 'old school') but I like to drink my juice rather than inject it though.
Landis is also guilty of having a head like a weasel which only incriminates him more.
And don't get me started on the French.
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
That third line should be:
Maybe yer right though
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Just to let you know I wasn't dissapointed with the money I paid for my seat...
It was a good night...
thanks...
Lilla...
Comment by Joe Blogg
Joe Blogg's Blog
manchesterunited
collingwoodfootballclub
Sorry I missed you.
I heard you'd come in the back door like a Greek sailor.
Comment by JoshZ
A Simple Christian
Loved the show, especially the family values.
JZ