December 2006 - Joe Blogg's Blog

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Joe Blogg's Blog - December 2006

BLOGGSFLASH: WASHED UP BLACK ARTISTS SET TO RECORD ALBUM OF HUMAN NATURE HITS

December 31st 2006 21:50

* Signed, sealed, delivered. They're yours!

"These boys are more black than Elvis!"

Glenn A. Baker (Rock Historian and stoooopid hat wearer)

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!

December 31st 2006 06:31

On behalf of everybody here at joebloggsblog.net I'd like to wish everybody a happy, safe and prosperous New Year.

Joe Blogg

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With yet anuvva summer of cricket down the gurgler faster than a wally with water the OCB (Orstrayan Cricket Board) has wasted no time in hosing down the prospect of anuvva long drought in entertainment for next summer's cricket season.

* Howzat?

In a move designed to allay fears of dwindling ticket sales following the all conquering Aussies domination of a limp England to reclaim the Ashes, the OCB swung into action in order to make it a more even contest next summer stating they would not be replacing the Orstrayan cricketers who retired.

SHORT LIFTER!

Instead, Ricky Ponting would be leading a 6 man team comprising himself, Adam Gilchrist, Brett Lee, Michael Clarke, Stuart Clarke and maybe somebody else from New South Wales.

But the real shock came when new OCB Chairman, Baby John Burgess, announced Orstraya's opponents next season would be a World XI.

GOOGLY!

In a move that is sure to alienate cricket purists Burgess moved away from convention by selecting a World XI team consisting of no recognised international cricketers.

"Clearly there are no cricketers alive talented enough to go head to head with the best Orstraya has to offer", explained Burgess a talented under 12 cricketer once himself.

WRONG 'UN!

"So we've assembled a team we think, although lacking in cricketing nous, should at least be able to match it with the Aussies in most areas. They are as follows:"

1. John Howard
2. Peter Costello

"A strong opening pair who have a proven track record for sticking around for a long long partnership. Very hard to get out once they are in."

3. Kim Il Sung

"One word - EXPLOSIVE! The North Korean President 'Kimbo' was an automatic choice at first drop. Quick to go on the attack and a very offensive player."

4.Daryl Somers

"Let's face it. If he can resurrect his television career then surely he could resurrect an innings after the loss of some early wickets."

5.Alexander Downer

"Admittedly the Deputy isn't very good with either bat or ball but after each game there is a lot of handshaking involved and that is where AD really shines."

6.Saddam Hussein

"He was born with a tail so there should be no problem getting him to hang around with the tail. Unfortunately we've been unable to get in contact with the former dictator these past 24 hours. We're not entirely sure where he's hanging out these days."

7.Kofi Annan

"Kofi picked himself as wicket-keeper really. He has spent his entire time at the United Nations letting everything go through to the keeper so would be perfectly suited to the job.

* Stroke maker

8. Paris Hilton

"We've all seen the video. We know she can swing the ball."

9. Eddie McGuire

"We need a spinner and Eddie is as good at spin as anybody in the caper. We're not sure how the Aussie batsmen will be able to handle his mystery ball, The Boner."

* Great slips catch

10. George Bush Snr.
11. George Bush Jnr.

"The Bush's will lead the pace attack. We're a bit worried about their over rate though but the plan is for Dad to soften up the opponent before the son finishes the job. Admittedly there is likely to be over a million innocent casualties but this isn't just cricket, it's war."

Tickets for next summers test series go on sale in October.

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COOCHY COOCHY COUP?

December 30th 2006 08:18

Lexusland - In what is being described as a really shit coup for blogging, the management of internet heavyweight joebloggsblog.net in conjunction with Pain & Misery Enterprises (trading as the Collingwood Football Club) announced today the signing of the almost exclusive rights to Collingwood FC website columnist and champion gerbil breeder Hotrod.

* Open season?

The deal, written in blood or possibly just a red pen, allows joebloggsblog.net total access to the rantings and ravings of one of football's most unpredictable writers

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THE GOLDEN BLOGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 28th 2006 22:51

"Well it's finally here, The Golden Bloggs Awards for 2006!
It hardly seems like we were here a year ago because of course we weren't.
But if we were we would've been and that is the most important thing.
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THE GOLDEN BLOGGS (PRELUDE)

December 28th 2006 10:42

Well it's that time of year innit?
It's that bizarro week between presents and fireworks where every media outlet and inlet in the entire known world (including Tasmania) gets all retrospective on our collective arses.

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BIRTH DEFECTS

December 27th 2006 08:28

Or to put it anuvva way...............

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUDDHA!
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DOWNER AWOL O.S. CHECKS IN TO H.A.!

December 26th 2006 11:11

* Just needed a helping hand

Australian Government officials remained tight-lipped today on the future of jetsetting snuggle-pot and Minister for Foreign Affairs, Alexander Downer, following his frank admission that he had booked himself into H.A. - Hand-shakers Anonymous.

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IBOTYAS (ABRIDGED VERSION) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 26th 2006 11:10

Just a quick bit of house-keeping.

This weeks IBOTYA votes are as follows

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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS (VOL VIII):

December 23rd 2006 22:56

If Pink married Fonzie would she be a Pink Winkler in real life?

* Sit on it Pink!

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THE WISDOM OF BLOGGS (VOL: VII)

December 23rd 2006 21:29

If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were shagging would they reach orgasm or fusion?

* Oooops! Fanny fart!!

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"THE FAT ARE FAIR GAME!"

December 22nd 2006 21:55

* Justin 'The Chubby Checker' Madden MP

With just those five small words Victorian Sports Minister and former Carlton Football Club salary cap cheat, Justin Madden, launched what might possibly be the Victorian Labor Party's most divisive policy yet.

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THE BASHWORTHY BLOGGSROLL (PART 2)

December 21st 2006 23:09

Okay kiddywinks,
What have we learnt thus far?

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A TRUE STORY (2)................

December 21st 2006 09:51

Last June, no wait maybe it was July. Either way, thanks to the ATO, I was more cashed up than a divorce lawyer in a room full of Beatles.
So I hit the local pub scene with the sole purpose of getting laid.
Wasn’t after a conversation

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THE BASHWORTHY BLOGGSROLL (PART 1)

December 20th 2006 09:27

Now before we go any further let me just say that I'm well aware that random acts of public violence is a bad thing. We all know that violence belongs in the home.

Secondly, years of discipline has taught me ............ nay, hammered home like a drunk's caravan, that clocking somebody for clockings sake is fine for a watchmaker but poor form for the rest of society

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BLOGGS EX-LOVER: "JOE OWES ME MILLIONS!"

December 19th 2006 20:38

The former lover of virtual porn mufti, bench-presser and now conman, Joe Bloggs launched a scathing attack on the man she once described as "the jam in her doughnut".

NO WAY!
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THE IBOTYAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 18th 2006 21:57

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's IBOTYA time you know.

And what a BIG week in blogging it has been - both on and off the blog

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THE WISDOM OF BLOGGS (VOL VI)

December 18th 2006 09:54

* Is that my stash up there?

If Western culture and European tradition has people kissing under the mistletoe during the festive season then exactly what does custom dictate desert dwellers do under a cameltoe this time of year?

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OSAMA BIN WANKIN?

December 17th 2006 12:07

The happy-go-lucky close knit Orble community was plunged into chaos today when celebrity terrorist and cave renovater Osama Bin Laden came out of hiding to throw his support behind embattled blog keiser and chook magnet Joe Bloggs.

Bloggs, owner of the increasingly erratic joebloggsblog.net and a number of saucy Islamic porn sites came under fire yesterday when disgruntled Orble staff leaked news of his connection to the lurid world of Islamic porn

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ORBLE - BLOGGS ROW ESCALATES

December 16th 2006 22:51

The bitter feud between globetrotting blog tsar Joe Bloggs and the multinational blogging network giant Orble reached a new low yesterday following claims by senior Orble staff that Bloggs was nothing more than a low rent smut peddler with links to the highly profitable Islamic pornography trade.

The already strained relationship between the flamboyant Bloggs and Orble soured last week when Bloggs, fed up with constant technical hitches, lashed out at Orble management's lack of professionalism

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BLOGGSFLASH: FEVOLA BRANDS LARA AN "UGLY HOOKER"

December 15th 2006 19:48

....West Indian cricket legend says his stats speak for themself!

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FEVOLA DENIES AFFAIR WITH PRINGLES

December 14th 2006 22:27

Australian Rules Football goal kicking machine and Paddy Puncher, Brendan Fevola, yesterday angrily denied having an affair with lotsa Pringles.

"It's the first I've heard of it", claimed the 25 year old mega-chinned Carlton star. "I'm a Samboy man. Always was and always will be

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LESS IS MO

December 14th 2006 00:46

* joebloggsblog.net gets more questions, suggestions and requests flung our way than women's undies at a Tom Jones concert. By far the most asked question is will the once iconic moustache ever return to it's former glory. We think YES!! So we decided to investigate and put our crack team on the job.

* Our crack team get on their bikes & do some work

If everything old is new again (also known as Madonna has a new CD out) then surely the much awaited return of the humble moustache is just around the corner if not actually there, visible, bristling with macho godliness on the horizon

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SUPER TED ADMITS TO FBM LINKS!

December 14th 2006 00:12

The Victorian Liberal Party swung into damage control last night following leader, the mega rich and chisel chinned, Super Ted Baillieu's confirmation of links to the notorious FBM secret society.

SHOCKING!!
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THE MANAGEMENT OF joebloggsblog.net WISH TO APOLOGISE TO ALL THE BLOGGAHOLICS OUT THERE FOR WAGGING YESDEE

December 13th 2006 22:47

No excuses.

So to make up for it we're giving you a dubble dollop of tuff love today

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THE IBOTYAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 12th 2006 08:13

Okaaaaaaaay......

Given that an Orble induced meltdown wiped me clean yesdee like my underage towel boy Ramone. The management of joebloggsblog.net in conjunction with 'The Spirit Of Christmas Inc.' have decided, like the man with two bums, to have a second crack

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BLOGGS DENIES ORBLE RIFT

December 11th 2006 07:14

International blogstar, handsome brute and blue heaven milkshake enthusiast Joe Bloggs yesterday scoffed at rumours he and Orble management had fallen out over Orble's continual 'downtime' due to technical upgrades.

* Orble Towers?

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MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM ANUVVA SOLAR SYSTEM!

December 9th 2006 02:03

Men and Women, Guys and Dolls, Blokes and Babes.
Call them what you will but never call them the 'same' for they remain so very different.
So different in fact it's a complete mystery how the human species continues to survive

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SHAKIRA ADMITS THE SHAMEFUL TRUTH: HER HIPS DO LIE

December 7th 2006 07:25

The music world was plunged into chaos yesterday when Latino pop sensation, Shakira, finally admitted what many insiders had feared for years - that her hips do lie!

For years the sexy songbird has kept her dark secret private despite pressure from many within the music industry to tell the truth

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MOVIES WE WISHED THEY'D MADE (VOL I)........

December 6th 2006 07:15

"The first rule of Fart Club is you do not talk about Fart Club.

The second rule of Fart Club is you do not talk about Fart Club

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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE (VOL II)

December 5th 2006 09:49

... Those who eat with chopsticks and those who don't.

* Fork off?

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A TRUE STORY............

December 4th 2006 07:27

* WHATS SARONG WITHA YOU? Don't you hate it when you turn op to a party and somebody else is wearing the same dress?

Australian Prime Minister, shit cricketer and eyebrow fanatic John Howard is over in the United States on one of his monthly visits to his gun toting bestest friend Georgie Bush

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