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Joe Blogg's Blog - November 2006

"I WANT TO BE A WIGGLE!"

November 30th 2006 19:57
Slim Boy Fat
* Here to stay or way to go?
Opposition leader and cholesrerol connoisseur Kim Beazley yesterday stunned Labor Party members and supporters when he announced that he wanted to become a Wiggle following news of Greg 'Yellow Wiggle' Page's impending retirement.


Speaking at a fully catered union organised rally against Prime Minister Howard's controversial Industrial Relations laws the roly poly Mr. Beazley wagged his giant sausage fingers at amazed onlookers, laughing and smiling insanely, claiming Howard's IR laws were a "Hot Potato, Hot Potato".

Big red carn't
* "Toot, toot, chugga, chu.....hey there's a McDonalds!"

Allaying fears it would be a tight fit in The Big Red Car cuddly Kim was at pains to assure the Australian public that he had fresh new exciting policies in place to deal with issues such as this.

"We'll be putting in a bench seat," explained Kim "And I'll be wearing a yellow kaftan rather than a skivvy. Yellow is a very unforgiving colour."


As for working with children the porky politician laughed, "Well I am leader of the Labor Party!"

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PAPUAN VILLAGE ANNOUNCE PLANS TO SAVE NAOMI

November 29th 2006 21:37
Troubled times
* Half baked or slowing simmering?

In a shock reversal of fortunes a tiny cannabilistic village in West Papua yesterday announced plans to save former hard hitting television journalist and celebrity Centrelink job searcher Naomi Robson.........from herself!

It seems news of the immaculately groomed Robson's resignation has travelled fast through the jungles of West Papua and it has not fallen on deaf ears.

Riding a wave of public sentiment one tribe, the Shebang, jumped quickly to the aid of the embattled television beauty.

Location,location,location
* Room with a view

Local God-botherer and potential meal, Fr. Tim Ratzinberger, isn't surprised by the Shebang's genourosity though.

"Of all the cannibals I've had the good fortunate of meeting the Shebangs are by far the friendliest. Often people don't even know they are on the menu before it is too late. But that's not to say these folk are without conscience. For example they are very big on saving and I should know!" he said. "They save on gas, they save on electricity and they save on petrol. But most of all, by eating their children, they save on Christmas presents!"

"To be honest though I hope they do make the trip Down Under", laughed Fr. Ratzinberger. "Not for Naomi's sake, for mine! Door knocking on Sunday mornings is quite a killer around here."

THE TRIBE HAS SPOKEN

We'll save you
* Chompy has a lot on his plate

Speaking from his palatial tree house Shebang chief Chompy Bits (pictured left) said he feared for the "tiny lady with the big heart."

"Sure we'd like to eat her" said Chompy, "What man in his right mind wouldn't want to eat Naomi Robson?"

Dressed in traditional Shebang tribal costume of a brass door knocker in the nose ("I bought it at Bunnings" beamed Chompy) and armadillo cock cradle Chompy explained his tribe's thoughts on the whole unfortunate situation.

"When we heard what had happened we called a tribal meeting to see what we could do. She touched all our hearts and many of us wanted to repay that. So we took a vote on whether we should try to save her from her tribe, the rest of the Australian media, and it was unanimous. Our tribe is behind her 100 percent."

Smiled Chompy,"That's right, the whole Shebang!"




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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE.......

November 29th 2006 20:40
Those who wear rock t-shirts and those don't.

Get your ya-yas out
* Does wearing this give him satisfaction?

We've all seen them.
They usually shuffle down the street in an acne induced rapture.
Most grow out of it.
Some sadly don't.

That's right, today's joebloggsblog.net SOCIAL TOPIC DU JOUR is the wearing of the rock t-shirt.

On behalf of the normal non rock t-shirt wearing society joebloggsblog.net wants to ask any of you rock t-shirt wearing types do you:

a) Feel your life is so insignificant that you must try to project some sorta image vicariously through a rock band?
b) Think that you quite possibly have become a corporate sheep despite the {insert band's name here} lyrics 'challenging' the 'establishment'?
c) Believe people see you and wonder "Hmmmm, I wonder what music they listen to"?
d) Imagine that faux devil worship through merchandising provides shock value or looks cool?
or
e) Want to buy the official joebloggsblog.net t-shirt for just $55?

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BLOGFLASH: ROBSON DOES A RUNNER

November 28th 2006 20:21
The girl next door?
* She just wanted a fair go for Aussie battlers



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TERRI: "MY STEVE IS HUNG LIKE A DONKEY VOTE!"

November 28th 2006 10:47
The Final Solution?
* First the polls and then the Poles?

Terri Bracks, charming wife of thrice elected Victorian Premier and suspected neo Nazi Steve Bracks, angrily hit back at accusations that the public is sick to death of her and her families stage crashing antics everytime hubby Steve wins an election.

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"WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO"

November 27th 2006 11:32
Were they the last words of former teen hearthrob and George Michael appendage Andrew Ridgeley before they locked him up and threw away the key?

I found one!
* Ridgeley (possibly bottom of picture) digging for truffles with fellow 'campers'

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THE MONDAY MAULING

November 26th 2006 19:59
Why do they do it?
I mean I know why they do it but why do they do it?!

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HATE WORK LOVE CRICKET?

November 26th 2006 19:44
Then this is the game for you!

STICK CRICKET
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THE IBOTYAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

November 25th 2006 20:59
Gentlies and Ladymen,

It's that time of the week again


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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS (VOL IV)

November 25th 2006 20:32
Is every meal a food fight for cannibals?

A stewpid kid
* Here's one we prepared earlier
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POKER IN THE FRONT, LIQUOR IN THE REAR

November 23rd 2006 21:08
VATICAN CITY:Drama erupted like Mount Vesuvius in the Holy City when Pope Benedict XVI took a televised public confession designed to be a 'How to' guide for born again Christians.

In what seemed like a good idea at the time Vatican officials and a worldwide viewing audience estimated to be over 100 million were shocked when His Holiness revealed what actually goes on behind closed doors in the Vatican City


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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS (VOL III)

November 23rd 2006 20:39
In France is the saying:

I don't know you from a bar of soap.
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DAMIR STAKES CLAIM FOR IBOTYA VOTES!

November 22nd 2006 20:09
You just know this will go down well with the joebloggsblog.net IBOTYA voting panel.
I mean what normally sane person doesn't love a totally insane person?
God bless the Borat of tennis


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ASK DR. BLOGGS

November 22nd 2006 07:31
Open wide
Open wide

As part of joebloggsblog.net ongoing commitment to serving the cyber community (in particular those who orbit the orble), the blog that just keeps on giving is proud to present our resident health expert Dr. Bloggs.

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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS (VOL III)

November 21st 2006 19:44
If Maxwell Smart walked backwards could he reverse the charges on his shoe ‘phone?

For God's sake Max, will you jump ever her bones?!
* A little known fact was that 99's real name was Luft Balloons
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A BOOZEY FLOOSEY WITH AN UZI

November 21st 2006 07:24
Rome might have been built in a day but it has been turned upside down in just under a week. Even the Italian government was in turmoil for a change following Pope Benedict XVI's assertion that recovering comatose victim and belledonna Sophia Loren was "nothing but a boozey floosey with an uzi".

The Pope's revelation of a torrid 3 year love affair with the luscious Latin lovely stunned both papal watchers and Catholics alike


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SOPHIA SUFFERS IN SILENCE ON SOFA

November 20th 2006 19:27
ROME: Italy's leading neurosurgeon Dr. Enzo Happli revealed today that top sort and Italian celluloid septigenarian Sophia Loren has been taken off life support and allowed to go home following her shock 3 votes and early lead in the 2007 IBOTYAs.

"She is still heavily sedated and still in quite a lot of shock", said the one armed Dr. Happli, "But we are very happy with her recovery to date. What Sophia needs now is a lot of rest. She needs to just lay on the couch and watch a lot of crap daytime television. You know, like most women do


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AS JEFFREY DAHLMER ONCE MUSED:

November 20th 2006 04:18
Linerider will take that five minutes and turn it into an hour.
That is inflation for you!

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TODAY TONIGHT TOMORROW THE WORLD

November 19th 2006 19:22
Hello, I’m Naomi Bloggson and welcome to Today Tonight Tomorrow The World.

Arse cheeks. We ask are they all they’re cracked up to be


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SOPHIA LOREN COLLAPSES IN ROME HOTEL

November 18th 2006 12:04
Iconic Italian 50's screen siren and quality MILF Sophia Loren collapsed in a Rome hotel today after learning she had scored 3 votes in the glamourous 2007 Bloggstopper Awards or as it is more more famously known the IBOTYAs.

Sources close to the sexy star say the 72 year old femme fatale, who had just completed a photo shoot for the upcoming Pirelli calendar, was finishing off a bowl of gnocchi when she logged on to her favourite website joebloggsblog.net She was so overcome by the news that she had trumped both Bono and Alexander Downer for the coveted 3 votes that she went down quicker than you can say Ciccolina spilling chinotto and olive oil everywhere


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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS (VOL II)

November 18th 2006 08:42
If the Number Of The Beast is 666, then who lives at 668?

Jesus, our Lord.
* "Keeeeeeeeyrist, that was a bad gag!"

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IBOTYA!

November 17th 2006 20:02
Gentlies and Ladymen……..

(insert crowd noise and slow drum beat here)
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THE MONDAY MAULING

November 16th 2006 19:55
(Yeah, yeah, I know it ain’t Mondee but like that classic scene fron Alien there’s summfin I just gotta get off my chest.)

So Kevin Federline wants Britney Spears to cough up like an emphysemic cat


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THE WISDUMB OF BLOGGS

November 16th 2006 05:21
If a picture paints a thousand words does that mean art galleries are really libraries?
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MEET JOE BLOGGS

November 16th 2006 02:23
Joe Bloggs jogs, has two dogs &, despite his arrogant ambivalence towards the French (straight back at ya you surly cheese eating surrender monkeys!), quite likes frogs.

Joe Bloggs likes long walks in fogs, short walks in togs and long lazy bogs. Some might even say when he logs he hogs. But they’re just jealous trogs


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July 2007
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104 Posts dating from November 2006
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